Duck Hunt

If you know my mom, you know she absolutely loves ducks. Not the real thing, but stuffed animals that are ducks.

I was struggling with what to get her for her birthday, and I finally thought of getting her a Duck Pillow Pet. Little did I know how rare those are to come by.

I spent most of this afternoon calling stores from Logan to South Salt Lake looking for a dang Duck Pillow Pet. I called everywhere I could think of. Walmart, Shopko, Bed Bath and Beyond, Toys R Us. You name it, I probably called them. Then, finally Dad thought of Smith's Marketplace. So, I called the one in Bountiful. Asked the nice lady, and she said "I'm pretty sure we still have one, would you like me to look?"

Obviously, I responded yes, and she came back on the line with the best news I'd heard all day. "Yes, we've got one."

I quickly asked her to please put it on hold for me, that I'd be down that evening to pick it up. She told me that it would be at the service desk under my name.

I'd never been to a Smith's Marketplace before today. That place is awesome. It very possibly may be my new favorite store. They've got everything and more!

After wandering around the store for an hour and a half, we went to check out and by the blasted pillow pet. The clerk rang it up, and it was only $9.99! I was told it was going to be $19.99! That was a very big blessing.

So, the Duck hunt wasn't all bad. I discovered a new store, got mom her pillow pet, and saved 10 bucks! That, my friends is a Saturday well spent. :)

Puddles is mom's new best friend. He joined the family as the seventh duckling. It now goes: Ducky, Ducky II, Baby Duck, Platty, Squishie,  Quacky, and Puddles.  Who knows who will join the family next?

Yes, she even has a duck blanket. She really loves ducks!

Happy Birthday, Mama.

Happy Birthday, Mama. I thank Heavenly Father every day that I was blessed by having you for a mother. You've taught me nearly everything I know, and made me the young woman I am today. I love you so much!

Personal Essay

For my English 1010 class, I have to write a personal essay. Just something simple about myself, and the life lessons I've learned.

I struggle with knowing how much I should share. I don't know where to start. Well, I do, but I don't know how to start. I don't really know what I should share, because I hate being looked at differently when people find out about mom. They usually don't say anything, but the look in their eyes says it all. It's a look of pity, or perhaps it's a look of helplessness. I'm not really sure. I know they don't know what to say, which is understandable. I've heard the words "I'm Sorry" about a thousand times, and I know people are sorry. I know they feel sorry for me, and that's what I have a hard time with.  I don't want to be pitied, I just want people to understand.

I lead a different life than most people my age. That's okay with me. I'm used to it. I schedule my time around visits with mom, because no matter what, she's my priority. I really hate missing a day of seeing her, because her condition is so unpredictable that I don't know what may change from day to day. Sometimes it's hard, missing out on things, or choosing between them. I usually pick seeing mom. She deserves at least that from me.

 I picked seventeen different titles for my personal essay. One for each year I've lived. I wrote a paragraph about each, and I'm not really sure which one I want to pick. I thought about picking a couple and writing an essay for each, and then choosing which I like better, but I know they'll just end up at the same place, about the same thing. It doesn't really matter how I start it, because I know the story will morph into my story, and become the same words, just arranged in a different order. I suppose that's what writing is about.

I'll keep you posted and let you know when I figure out which essay I'm going to write. This should be interesting.

P.S. Thanks for letting me brain dump. It cleared my head so now I can do my homework! And I have a lot of homework.

Buh-Bye Summer! Hello Fall!

As I type this, I've got a belly full of homemade chicken noodle soup and blueberry muffins.


Can I just say yum? Soooo delicious. You don't even know.


If you know me, you know I love, love, love food; and I especially love homemade food.

There's nothing quite like homemade soup from your mom's recipe.  The only thing better is when your mom makes it for you. Unfortunately, my mom's not able to do that, so I just made it from her recipe. It. Was. Delicious. Really folks, mouthwateringly delicious.

A little weird thing about me is that I can't eat soup in the summer. I just can't. So this means that my body doesn't think it's summer anymore! Yay! I am so excited for fall. So. Dang. Excited. I love the warm bowls of soup and the turtle necks and sweaters. I just love it! Ah! I can't wait for the leaves to change colors, to crunch underneath my feet.

So fall, can you please come a little sooner? I kind of can't wait for you.

Labor Day... You were good to me.

Today was a long but good day.

We had a small picnic with mom tonight to celebrate Labor Day. Afterwards, we played several rounds of Uno. And I've got to tell you, whoever taught mom how to play taught her really, really well! We played 7 rounds, and mom won 4 of them! She would giggle every time she won a round ask to play another. It was really fun to see and be with her.

Sometimes I wonder how people can place their loved ones in a care center and leave them there without ever visiting. I have to see my mom. It's part of my daily routine. She is such a vital part of my life. I need her so much.

I understand people get busy, and I know that not everyone has the ability to visit every day, but I just wish more people would be involved and stop ignoring the people they love. I go in to Heritage Park, walk down the hallway and see people calling out for help or asking where there family is. It breaks my heart to seem them slipping away and there family isn't there for them.

So, I vow to never do that. I will always make my mom a priority in my life. She deserves at least that much from me.

Sometimes I Struggle, But I Have Faith

Sometimes I struggle with the fact that my beautiful, sweet and selfless mother has an incurable and untreatable disease.


Disease. Just the word makes me want to cringe.

However, recently two classmates of mine have had one of their parents pass away. My heart goes out to them in this time of trial and sorrow in their lives. This also makes me grateful that I still have my mama.

This also made me think about something. would it be easier if mom had passed away suddenly? Would it have been easier if she had only been sick for a short time before passing away? Would it be easier than what's happening to her now?

The thought of living a single moment without her send this deep and terrible pain throughout me. The thought of taking a single breath without her here takes my breath away. I'm not prepared and I'm not even remotely ready to lose her. I need her. I need her in my life. I need her every day.

It's hard seeing the day-to-day progression of mom's MS. It's difficult to realize the destruction it's causing and see her abilities being stolen away from her.

It's an everyday coping process. I wake up in the morning sometimes hopeful that it will be a good day for mom. Other mornings I wake up discouraged because of what happened to her the day before.

There is a facade that I put up, pretending as if the pain isn't still there. It is. And it's real. It's endless heartache and recurring trauma. It's jealousy and envy. It's wishing for what you can't have. Normalcy.

I understand and believe firmly in the trials given to us by our Heavenly Father. This one has strengthened and changed me in innumerable ways. I am even grateful for what it's given me. I understand that right now, we are trading heartache and sorrow for endless joy and unbelievable happiness later.

I have faith in my Heavenly Father's plan. I believe he knows what he's doing and I don't believe in coincidence. He has His hand in all things. He knows what's going to happen and how we're going to respond. But He gave us agency. I will use mine to make this situation a positive one and I will use it to learn from.

I'm grateful to be a member of  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I believe in Eternal Families and I am grateful for mine. I'm grateful for my parent's choices, and I'm grateful they are sealed for time and all eternity.