Infertile Myrtle.

The smell of baby powder comforts me. Honestly, I don't know why.

Some of my earliest memories involve babies.  Playing with them, toting them around, being their "mama." I always knew from the time I was little I would want to be a mom someday. 

Then, when I was about 15, I found out that it won't be easy for me to have kids. Just like my mom, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This causes some strange symptoms, including weight gain, facial (and body) hair growth, and depression. So, yeah, I have a killer mustache. Try me. I bet I can grow a better one than your boyfriend. Combine this with my dad's amazing rate of hair growth, and BAM! You get me. I try everything to control it. Tweezing, Waxing, Bleaching, and the one thing that will really work I can't afford. Lazer hair removal. So, I'll keep my killer 'stache... and save until the day I can't say sayonara for good! This is not my point here, though. 

It hurts inside to know that there's a possibility that I'll never have kids. I want them... I always thought I'd have them. You know, once I settled down, met the right guy. And then one day, I'd pee on a stick and get the surprise of my life! Then, my journey to parenthood would 
begin. 

My whole life, I've thought about what I'd name my kids... I think it's a girl thing... Don't we all do that?  

I know, there are plenty of ways to become a mom..  adoption, fostering, fertility treatments... Believe me. I've thought about them all at some point. 

So, armed with the knowledge that it will be very difficult for me to ever get pregnant, how do I go about dating? 

"Hi, I'm Holly, and if we get married, there's a very good possibility that we'll never have kids." Now, assuming that he's the kind of guy I hope to marry (after all, we marry who we date...), he would likely go running for the hills... Great.  

Now, instead of saddling myself with a life full of misery and loneliness and giving up on dating altogether... I've made a decision. 

I'm going to just be happy. Come what may, and love it. If I get married, great! If I have kids, awesome. I'm going to stop assuming that if I never get married that I'll live a sad and lonely life. After all, I'm single and childless now! Life's pretty great. If it never happens for me, I'll have a great career and just touch a lot of people's lives along the way. 

For me, it isn't giving up on a dream, it's accepting reality and adjusting my dream accordingly.