The semester is officially over, and I feel very... mixed about it. In some ways, it seemed never-ending. In others, I swear it just began. This was an important semester for me. This semester was my first one back after my
break-down-drop-out-of-college-I'm-moving-away-full-on-freak-out.
It was important for me, because I also learned a lot about myself this semester, too. I took a Philosophy course, which was focused around moral issues. We discussed moral theories, and I questioned my guiding principles in life, and what they truly are. I'd like to think I've got them pretty well figured out, now I'm just figuring out how to assert and apply them. I feel so much more comfortable in myself, and I'm finding that my happiness matters too. If asserting myself contributes to my happiness, then, that's what I have to do.
Also, this semester, I worked 32 hours a week, and I was (originally) taking 15 semester credit hours. In other words, full time work and school. I had a bit of a wake-up call when I found that I just couldn't do it all, and had to withdraw from a class halfway through the semester. To me, it felt like failure. I felt like I couldn't be a good student, manager, daughter, friend, and person all at the same time. If you ask me about it now, I still have sore feelings about it. I hate seeing that "W" on my transcript. But, at the same time, I think it will serve as a reminder to me that I'm not superwoman. I can't do it all at the same time and expect to be good at everything. As egotistical as it may sound, I'm used to being good at everything thrown at me. It's kind of been my thing.
Because I fell into this mid-semester depression, I ended up harming one of my greatest friendships, and I'm still working to repair it. While I've been experiencing so much personal growth and change, I lost sight of who really matters and who we need in our lives. While I'm working to rebuild that relationship, I've also come much closer to my high-school best friend, and since I have, I've been much happier. I also have made a few new friends throughout the semester, and feel truly blessed to have great people in my life.
This semester, I (finally and officially) declared Communication as my major, with a concentration in Public Relations and Advertising, and an emphasis in Visual Communication. This excites and terrifies me at the very same time. Why? Because it means that I'm committed. I'm in it. I'm doing it.
Work has been...a whirlwind. To say the least. With working back-to-back close, it's easy to fall into a rut, especially when you have to do homework when you get home from work at midnight... and having a 7 a.m. class? Not my finest idea. I ended up sleeping about 4 hours a day, and between homework and working every weekend, there wasn't much chance to catch up. It's okay though, because I'm certainly making up for it now. :)
Living in Utah, and seeing one of my best friends get married this month (so happy for you!), it's been hard to be single. Outwardly, I have tried to display the exterior of a confident, self-fulfilled female, with no room or desire in her life for a man. During my self discovery this semester, I tried to make myself truly believe that is who I am. But I'm not.
Here's who I am:
A happy, independent, single young woman, with a desire to love and be loved. I lead a busy life, with work and school, and I'm happy. I work hard, and I enjoy my life...And I have no idea what I'm doing. But so far, it's working. Throughout the course of the semester (no pun intended), I found myself looking at any and every single man on campus. It wasn't healthy! So, I stopped. I decided that if I loved myself, and was truly happy being single, something good would come. And I believe it's on it's way. I just have to be patient.
Well, this is Holly, signing out, after filling you in on all aspects of life.
Until next time,
