There are times when we take life for granted, and get lost in the boring, mundane, humdrum of life...
Friday was one of those days for me.
I was off of work... Slow start to the day because of a lack of sleep. Stayed on the couch.. Watched some Netflix... Got ready and had some lunch.
Went to take my friend's engagement pictures... Didn't feel like going home, so I went shopping.
Again... Slow paced, relaxed, nondescript day.
Then I got the gut wrenching terrifying call.
It was all kind of a blur.
"Hi, this is the nurse from Heritage Park, I'm calling to let you know we're sending your mother to the Emergency Room."
*silence*
"She... choked. She was eating dinner and the nurse practitioner found her in her room, blue. The paramedics started CPR and removed the blockage in her airway. They're on their way to the hospital now. McKay Dee, correct?"
*silence*
"Hello?"
By this point, my vision was blurred my tears, and my words replaced by big gasps for air.
I was hyperventilating.
Somehow, I managed to mumble a "Yes" and we finished the conversation without me knowing what I had really said.
With trembling hands, and tears freely flowing down my face, I continued to drive home...Quickly.
I don't recall much of the drive, my mind was all-consumed in guilt.
I should have been there. It's been two days since I've seen her! What will I do if she's gone? I'll never forgive myself! I need her! She can't die. I'm not ready. I need her! Please, God, no! I'm pleading with you, not her, not now, please...I need her.
Thankfully, I made it home, and by the time I made it in the house, I was in full-on hysterics. My sister held me as I cried into her chest, she stroked my hair, and assured me mom was going to be okay. I love my sister, I trust my sister, but this time, I just wasn't so sure she was right.
She helped me pull it together and change my clothes. We needed to go... we needed to get to the hospital to find out the fate of our family - to find out what exactly had happened to our mother.
We made it to the hospital, and it seemed like an eternity before anyone would tell us anything...
Until...
I heard my mother scream.
Now, most people would be terrified by the sound of their mother's scream.
For me, it was a relief.
It meant there was air in her lungs, that she was breathing, and that she was fighting. That she was still here, with me, and that I could breathe, too.
The doctor came in.
"She's fine. She choked on a sandwich! I want to keep her for a couple of hours, load her up with fluids and a sedative to help her sleep. She should be ready to go home in a few hours."
After eight hours and a great nap (for her) in the E.R., she was headed back to the nursing home.
It took me a while to process it, all of it. I lay awake, despite complete physical and emotional exhaustion. The "what if" was going to drive me crazy. I silently wished that the doctor could have given me a sedative, too.
Finally, I had processed all of the negative thoughts and feelings... I decided to be grateful instead.
I could have lost her, but I didn't.
I experienced a feeling of complete gratitude... Again I sobbed, but this time with tears of relief and gratitude.
We could have lost her... but we didn't.
